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Beliefs

Fear of Engulfment

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Excessive Fear of Being Controlled or Losing Oneself

The term engulf, in itself, is usually associated with a negative. The meaning that generally comes to mind is ‘to be swallowed up.’

And being swallowed up is something to be feared.

The fear of engulfment, on the other hand, is the fear of over-immersing yourself in a relationship. Do you fear a situation where you might become dependent on one person for your very existence? A situation where you are nothing without that particular person, and you want that individual to feel the same toward you? You most likely have a fear of engulfment.

In essence, you’re afraid of either being swallowed up or swallowing up your partner in a relationship. Note, however, that the fear you have is not of being engulfed—it’s the thought that the engulfment will last a lifetime. As a result, you are fearful of either getting rejected or developing intimate relationships. You may struggle to enjoy any form of love: love from relatives, friends, or a partner.

What Causes Fear of Engulfment?

The root cause of fear of engulfment might be embedded in the fact that it is a social phobia. Social phobias are a form of anxiety disorder that hinder people from forming close or deep relationships with someone.

This fear of engulfment could be a result of different dysfunctional relationships. Having experienced a relationship that has gone sour can make creating a new one difficult. It could even be connected to relationships formed in childhood.

Fear of being abandoned could also contribute to a fear of engulfment. You may suffer in constant fear that love or warmth will suddenly vanish.

A fear of abandonment, in many cases, can be traced back to childhood. A child who has been abandoned physically or emotionally by an important adult figure could carry that fear into adulthood. Growing up in a dysfunctional family where nothing was permanent could also be a contributing factor.

People who are afraid of engulfment are also terrified of being controlled. They fear anything they perceive as dominating and might retreat from it. The fear of being judged by others is another subset of the fear of engulfment.

What Are the Symptoms of the Fear of Engulfment?

The fear of engulfment could manifest in several ways. If you suffer from this phobia, it could manifest itself in your intimate, professional, and even familial relationships.

Your fear of engulfment phobia may likely surface in instances when you long for an attachment with someone. Those suffering from this phobia have a heightened risk of sabotaging the relationships they care about the most. A deep emotional state of yearning could potentially trigger symptoms. People suffering from this fear risk shutting everything and everyone out.

Symptoms of this condition include:

  • Serial dating
  • Fear of commitment
  • Difficulty in expressing feelings
  • Inability to communicate
  • Sabotaging relationships

Serial Dating

If you’re struggling with a phobia of engulfment, you may find communication to be easy only at the initial stages of a relationship. However, as the relationship grows more intimate, you might likely retreat from it and begin a new one with a different partner. And the cycle repeats. You tend to follow the same path of the previous relationship. Hence, a pattern of serial dating emerges.

Fear of Commitment

Adding to this phobia’s complexity is a pattern of short-term relationships, which only reinforces the fear of being engulfed in a commitment.

Difficulty Expressing Feelings

When you have a fear of engulfment, you may not see your feelings as valid. You might suddenly fall silent in a relationship, thereby sabotaging it. When your feelings go unnoticed by the other person, your thoughts turn to the need to end the relationship.

Inability to Communicate

Because you keep most relationships shallow, communication is neglected. Just like the relationship, every form of communication is kept shallow.

Sabotaging Relationships

Sabotaging can be done in several ways. For instance, accusing the partner of what hasn’t occurred, or just being intentionally dislikable.

Self-Help for Fear of Engulfment

Overcoming the fear of engulfment starts with embracing your vulnerabilities.

Life Is Full of Uncertainties

This phobia could stem from a fear of the unknown. As you strive to shield yourself from the uncertainties, you begin asking: Will they remain this way? Will I remain this way? The fear may begin to set in.

If possible, find ways to understand that in life there are no guarantees, and that’s OK. This especially holds true when it comes to human relationships. Nothing is predictable nor perfect. Embracing uncertainty is part of the thrill of life.

Making a conscious decision to forge a positive relationship may also help reduce the fear of engulfment.

Have Compassion for Yourself

Self-compassion may come easily to some, but not for people who suffer from a fear of engulfment. Phobia sufferers tend to have an increased level of rejection sensitivity.

If you suffer from this fear, know that you are worthy of love. Encourage yourself. Think of what you might do to help someone else in a stressful situation, and then direct those compassionate responses toward yourself. Doing things that help comfort you physically or mentally may also help. Take a walk, take a rest, exercise. Self-care is part of the process.

Take a Look at the Past

In most cases, a past traumatic event is the root of this phobia. If possible, when you think about what happened, try to extract details you can use to create the future you want. Doing so may help you realize the possibilities for a different narrative.

If you find your fear of engulfment may have resulted from something that occurred in childhood, professional therapy is encouraged. Such cases tend to be complicated and may require sensitive considerations. The psychology behind your fear of engulfment may be too complex to handle alone, so consult your medical provider.

Give It Time

Overcoming fear doesn’t happen in a day. This applies to everyone. If you keep this in mind, it might come in handy once you begin to address your phobia. The adjustment phase is always the hardest, but don’t give up. You may suffer setbacks along the way, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Setbacks are normal.

Have Goals

As you look at your past, if you can, try setting goals for yourself. Note what you want to happen differently in your life. Believe that you deserve companionships and relationships just as much as anyone else.

Sufferers of this phobia tend to be perfectionists. If you have this phobia, know that compromising on goals is OK. If you start feeling inadequate or feel you lack certain qualities, push back the thought. You deserve a love that is true, sincere, and deep.

Whenever you start feeling fear, remember your goals. Be patient. In time and with kindness from yourself and those you trust, you’ll find success.

Romantic comedies might not be the reality, but finding true love is a reality everyone deserves.

FearAZ.com is looking for personal stories of any 'fear of' or phobia. If you have an interesting story you'd like to share, we welcome your submission. If the story fits with our content and guidelines, we'll add it to our site.
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Your Fear Goes Up and Down

Are you someone who would rather climb the stairs than take the elevator? You call it squeezing in a workout after being sedentary the whole morning. Or perhaps you claim it's a faster route. These are both typical, normal, and acceptable reasons. But what if you need to be in the conference room on the eleventh floor in five minutes, and you're wearing your business suit and wingtips? Would you still prefer to take the stairs? If your answer is yes, then maybe it's time to take a closer look at your reasons for avoiding elevators. Elevators stir all sorts of emotions in passengers. From the discomfort of closeness to strangers to the sensations in our gut, elevators can be a source of the heebie-jeebies for many, but for some, they can also be a source of terror. Let's dig a little deeper into the latter, and see what this terror is all about and what can be done to manage it. To begin with, does being inside an elevator give you chills or the sweats? Or does it trigger an unpleasant memory? Perhaps you remember movies you've watched where something terrible happens inside an elevator. From Silence of the Lambs, The Shining, Final Destination 2, or the king of all elevator horror films, 2010’s Devil, the elevator becomes witness to something sinister and horrible. And you want nothing to do with any of it. You know that you're not claustrophobic. You can deal with heights just fine, too. And you know that you're not going to be trapped inside. All of these contribute to a fear of elevators—but they don't apply to you. Yet being inside one does something to you. It's hard to explain.

What is the Fear of Elevators Called?

What you have is a fear of elevators, which is called elevatophobia. It is most commonly triggered by an experience of getting stuck inside either due to a power outage or technical maintenance. Hearing about other people's experiences or watching a movie about similar circumstances can prompt a fear of elevators getting stuck with you inside. Usually, claustrophobics and agoraphobics may also develop elevatophobia because the triggers and objects of these fears are related. Claustrophobia is the fear of closed and cramped spaces, while agoraphobia is the fear of being trapped without any means of escape. Put the two together, and the elevator becomes the perfect combination of both phobias. The space is limited and closed, with only one means of entry and exit. You can add another point of access if you consider climbing the cables like they do in the movies, but that certainly isn't ideal.

Symptoms of Elevatophobia

If for some reason an elevator stops due to an outage or some technical difficulty, passengers with elevatophobia may go into full panic mode. Even if the maintenance team advises that it will just be a matter of minutes, by then, the person's mind has become irrational with the fear of the elevator falling, being stuck for hours, or other unpleasant thoughts. You would expect a person to exhibit the following physical symptoms: Additionally, you would be filled with that overwhelming anxiety where you feel that you have zero control over the situation. You start fearing the unknown and are filled with negative thoughts about death and imminent doom. You become irrational and unresponsive.

Possible Complications of Elevatophobia

When the panic sets in, the possibility of emergencies related to pre-existing conditions may make themselves known. This might include serious health crises like heart attacks or asthma attacks. When this happens, fear becomes a medical emergency. Elevator rides do not last long; it's just a matter of minutes or even less. But the fact that a person can escalate from panic to a near fatal medical situation classifies the fear of elevators as a 'hard phobia.'

Trying Some Self-Help Methods

Your fear of elevators can likely interfere with your social and work life and relationships. Not everyone understands that elevatophobia, like most phobias, can be crippling. But don't be disheartened. Depending on the level of your fear and level of control, you can gradually face and manage your phobia. Here are some recommendations you can try:
  1. Make a List of Everything that Entails Riding in an Elevator This is a systematic approach to getting over your anxiety. By following a step-by-step process, you can identify where the fear kicks in at its strongest. You can write a list of steps like pressing the topmost button and waiting to arrive on that floor, watching as the door closes and opens, being alone inside the elevator, or having delays with the doors opening. Now try doing the opposite. For example, face away from the door or occupy yourself with your phone so that you are distracted.
  2. Create Your Fear Ladder Although the name says fear of elevators, it is not the whole process that scares you. There are just phases and parts of the elevator riding experience that cause you to panic. So go back to the list you initially created and label the fear level you feel. You can do it numerically, too, like ten being 'really scary,' six, 'manageable scary,' and one, 'not scary at all.' You can put the corresponding fear levels so you can focus more time and effort into activities that are more scary to you.
  3. Face Your Fear By now, you have identified what scares you the most. You can try repetitive action to minimize your fear and increase your sense of ‘normalcy’. Remember that the longer you expose yourself to your fear, the better you get at handling your emotions. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stop. Pushing yourself too fast and too soon can backfire. Modify your pace and go slower instead.
  4. Talk About Your Fear People by nature, unfortunately, are not quick to offer understanding and support. You need to tell them what's wrong before they can empathize. Talk to someone who you trust and ask for their support, especially in the initial phase of overcoming your fear. If you are too afraid to ride the elevator alone, you can ask them to go with you, and before you realize it, you are on your floor, and there was no indication of panic.
  5. Learn To Be Patient Be patient with yourself and your predicament. This is, after all, your fight against fear. It might take hundreds of elevator ride practices before the fear gets under control. Even then, there might be some hesitations and episodes of nervousness. These are acceptable and expected, so cut yourself some slack and congratulate yourself for every progress.

Seeking Professional Help

Along with self-help, you can always enlist a medical professional's aid to support you with your elevatophobia. Talking to someone who has experience with similar cases can be comforting, because you know that you are not alone, and this situation can get better. Talk to your doctor about the severity of your fears and the symptoms that you experience. Explain how you deal with it in an attempt to control it. An exam and a health history are made to ensure that there are no unrelated or underlying problems that your symptoms might mask. Usually, phobias like this are approached with a combination of psychotherapy and medication. Your doctor will talk about these options with you, and it's entirely up to you, with your doctor's recommendation, what you want to pursue. For psychotherapy, the most common type is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which aims to help you find different ways of behaving, thinking, and reacting when about to step inside an elevator or when already inside it. With medications, there are beta blockers and benzodiazepines, but note that these can have side effects. Whatever these side effects are, you should promptly share it with your doctor.

Simple Tips to Overcome Elevatophobia

Elevators are not perfect, but their likelihood to malfunction, fall, or get stuck is very low. If you are not fully confident with this information, you can help overcome your elevatophobia by learning common elevator safety tips and basic elevator operations. These should help curb your mild fear until you become more self-assured. In addition to that, here are some of the things that you can do to gradually overcome your fear of elevators—both in getting on and riding one.

Conclusion

Yes, elevatophobia can be a challenge in today's world, but don't allow the elevator to win. Don't let it stop you from taking a job on the top floor or attending a social gathering on the rooftop. Sure, you can take the stairs if you insist and arrive winded and sweaty, with the party about to wrap up. But is this the quality of life you seek? Elevators are designed to make life easier. There are guaranteed ways to help you overcome elevatophobia. Take the first step and seek help. Soon, you’ll see yourself breezing through the floors with those arduous stair climbs little more than a memory.
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