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Sexual Phobias

Philematophobia — Fear of Kissing

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Working through Philematophobia

Do you have a dreamy first date planned—but unlike your romcom-loving friends—are you dreading the possibility of a goodnight kiss? Welcome to the world of philematophobia.

Contrary to popular belief that we all find the first kiss exciting, many of us feel the opposite. It’s not stars in our eyes and butterflies in our tummies for everyone. For some, kissing induces panic attacks and excessive sweating. Some may even find this display of affection distressing and outlandish.

If you fall in the latter group, there’s a high probability that you have philematophobia.

 

Is Philematophobia a Phobia of Fear or Disgust

 

If your fear of kissing is disrupting your life, there is help available. Cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, and self-help are some of the techniques which can help you to lead a normal life.

Read on to learn more about this irrational aversion to kisses, what causes the fear, the treatment options available, and how to better cope with your fear.

Some Things You Need to Know about Philematophobia

Also known as philemaphobia, philematophobia is the fear of kissing. It’s generally found in those who have no experience or interest in this form of endearment. The phobia is more prevalent in younger generations compared to adults who have had experience with kissing and have learned to overcome the anxiety and nervousness that kissing may cause.

The biggest downside of this fear is its impact on one’s ability to form and retain relationships.

Some develop this phobia out of fear of catching a disease that may be transmitted from the mouth. Others are concerned about bad breath or simply cannot stand the idea of physical affection.

Keep reading to learn what causes this fear and some ways you can overcome it.

What Causes Philematophobia?

As mentioned above, philematophobia causes are varied. Sometimes, this fear can be an extension of other fears like bromidrophobia, which is the fear of bodily odors; mysophobia, which is the fear of germs; or fear of intimacy, affection, and attachment.

Like all other irrational phobias, philematophobia may result from a past traumatic event involving kissing. Past acts of sexual violence including rape or sexual assaults, or an act of kissing without the victim’s consent, can also lead to this phobia.

An underlying fear of not meeting a partner’s expectations when it comes to kissing may contribute to philematophobia. Likewise, fears that arise out of cultural beliefs—where a kiss is deemed a sinful act—may also be a cause of this phobia.

Philematophobia may also develop in people who have attachment issues. Failed relationships or the fear of getting emotionally attached to someone can also make the person withdraw from acts of kissing or displays of physical affection.

The Effects of Philematophobia

Being nervous about an upcoming kiss is different from developing irrational fear of indulging in a kiss. People who experience philematophobia are not just fearful themselves of kissing, but even the sight of seeing someone else kissing may cause symptoms.

Philematiphobia can have a profound effect on relationships. Some begin to distance themselves from their partners for fear of having to participate in the act of kissing. They avoid socializing and prefer to maintain distance from others. Some perceive kissing as an act of intimacy, and the act leaves them feeling vulnerable or unsafe.

Symptoms of Philematophobia

Most symptoms of philematophobia are similar to any other phobia that one might have. Some of the psychological and physical symptoms of the phobia are as follows:

Psychological Symptoms

  • Severe anxiety
  • Panic attacks that usually develop during social events
  • Lack of focus and concentration
  • Lack of confidence in being around others

Physical Symptoms

  • Loss of breath
  • Increased heartbeat
  • Sweating
  • Shaking
  • Nausea
  • Chills
  • Hyperventilation
  • Palpitations
  • Dry mouth

How Can You Deal with Philematophobia?

When dealing with a fear such as philematophobia, first gather the courage and strength to accept and acknowledge your fears.

Try to openly discuss your fears with your partner. Work to create a comfortable relationship without the pressures of intimacy until you feel ready. If your partner is aware of your fear of kissing, it is less likely you’ll be placed in an uncomfortable position that goes against your wishes or consent.

Another important step is to educate yourself on aspects of kissing. Don’t run away from your fears. Don’t run away from the scene if you fear you might encounter someone indulging in a kiss. Get your mind accustomed to the concept of kissing. This will help lessen your aversion to it.

Philematophobia Treatment

Early diagnosis and treatment for philematophobia is important. Untreated, philematophobia may develop into other forms of phobia including genophobia, which is the fear of sexual intercourse. Genophobia may have an even more detrimental impact on a relationship.

If you feel that your irrational fears are getting in the way of relationships, here are a few treatment options to consider:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy involves talking with a therapist about the source and root cause of your fears. The therapist helps identify what may have led to the development of your phobia. They then offer advice and methods that can help you overcome them.

Exposure Therapy

Through exposure therapy, the patient is gradually exposed to their fears, keeping comfort and safety in mind. The therapist may talk with you about your fears or expose you to visuals of kissing. They also offer techniques to help you better manage your reactions.

Tips for Coping with Philematophobia

Wondering how to overcome a fear of kissing? In order to cope with philematophobia and overcome its symptoms, you can employ the following tips and techniques in your daily routine. Make sure to be consistent and diligent with each step.

  1. Practice breathing exercises that you can rely on when you get anxious and fearful of being exposed to your source or object of fear.
  2. If you have a partner who is understanding of your concerns and fears, you can practice kissing with them in a quiet and comfortable environment.
  3. Determine the root cause of your phobia. If it’s hygiene, risk of diseases, or another factor, try to work on ways to overcome it.
  4. Join group counseling sessions which offer you a platform to discuss your fears without judgment.

Some Final Words
As difficult as it is to have an irrational fear, there are ways to overcome them. Self-love and seeking help early on, before your fear escalates, is the best possible route to a phobia-free life.

Seek out a competent therapist who is understanding of your comfort and creates a safe space for you to share your fears.

And once you successfully overcome your aversions, don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back.

FearAZ.com is looking for personal stories of any 'fear of' or phobia. If you have an interesting story you'd like to share, we welcome your submission. If the story fits with our content and guidelines, we'll add it to our site.
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Your Fear Goes Up and Down

Are you someone who would rather climb the stairs than take the elevator? You call it squeezing in a workout after being sedentary the whole morning. Or perhaps you claim it's a faster route. These are both typical, normal, and acceptable reasons. But what if you need to be in the conference room on the eleventh floor in five minutes, and you're wearing your business suit and wingtips? Would you still prefer to take the stairs? If your answer is yes, then maybe it's time to take a closer look at your reasons for avoiding elevators. Elevators stir all sorts of emotions in passengers. From the discomfort of closeness to strangers to the sensations in our gut, elevators can be a source of the heebie-jeebies for many, but for some, they can also be a source of terror. Let's dig a little deeper into the latter, and see what this terror is all about and what can be done to manage it. To begin with, does being inside an elevator give you chills or the sweats? Or does it trigger an unpleasant memory? Perhaps you remember movies you've watched where something terrible happens inside an elevator. From Silence of the Lambs, The Shining, Final Destination 2, or the king of all elevator horror films, 2010’s Devil, the elevator becomes witness to something sinister and horrible. And you want nothing to do with any of it. You know that you're not claustrophobic. You can deal with heights just fine, too. And you know that you're not going to be trapped inside. All of these contribute to a fear of elevators—but they don't apply to you. Yet being inside one does something to you. It's hard to explain.

What is the Fear of Elevators Called?

What you have is a fear of elevators, which is called elevatophobia. It is most commonly triggered by an experience of getting stuck inside either due to a power outage or technical maintenance. Hearing about other people's experiences or watching a movie about similar circumstances can prompt a fear of elevators getting stuck with you inside. Usually, claustrophobics and agoraphobics may also develop elevatophobia because the triggers and objects of these fears are related. Claustrophobia is the fear of closed and cramped spaces, while agoraphobia is the fear of being trapped without any means of escape. Put the two together, and the elevator becomes the perfect combination of both phobias. The space is limited and closed, with only one means of entry and exit. You can add another point of access if you consider climbing the cables like they do in the movies, but that certainly isn't ideal.

Symptoms of Elevatophobia

If for some reason an elevator stops due to an outage or some technical difficulty, passengers with elevatophobia may go into full panic mode. Even if the maintenance team advises that it will just be a matter of minutes, by then, the person's mind has become irrational with the fear of the elevator falling, being stuck for hours, or other unpleasant thoughts. You would expect a person to exhibit the following physical symptoms: Additionally, you would be filled with that overwhelming anxiety where you feel that you have zero control over the situation. You start fearing the unknown and are filled with negative thoughts about death and imminent doom. You become irrational and unresponsive.

Possible Complications of Elevatophobia

When the panic sets in, the possibility of emergencies related to pre-existing conditions may make themselves known. This might include serious health crises like heart attacks or asthma attacks. When this happens, fear becomes a medical emergency. Elevator rides do not last long; it's just a matter of minutes or even less. But the fact that a person can escalate from panic to a near fatal medical situation classifies the fear of elevators as a 'hard phobia.'

Trying Some Self-Help Methods

Your fear of elevators can likely interfere with your social and work life and relationships. Not everyone understands that elevatophobia, like most phobias, can be crippling. But don't be disheartened. Depending on the level of your fear and level of control, you can gradually face and manage your phobia. Here are some recommendations you can try:
  1. Make a List of Everything that Entails Riding in an Elevator This is a systematic approach to getting over your anxiety. By following a step-by-step process, you can identify where the fear kicks in at its strongest. You can write a list of steps like pressing the topmost button and waiting to arrive on that floor, watching as the door closes and opens, being alone inside the elevator, or having delays with the doors opening. Now try doing the opposite. For example, face away from the door or occupy yourself with your phone so that you are distracted.
  2. Create Your Fear Ladder Although the name says fear of elevators, it is not the whole process that scares you. There are just phases and parts of the elevator riding experience that cause you to panic. So go back to the list you initially created and label the fear level you feel. You can do it numerically, too, like ten being 'really scary,' six, 'manageable scary,' and one, 'not scary at all.' You can put the corresponding fear levels so you can focus more time and effort into activities that are more scary to you.
  3. Face Your Fear By now, you have identified what scares you the most. You can try repetitive action to minimize your fear and increase your sense of ‘normalcy’. Remember that the longer you expose yourself to your fear, the better you get at handling your emotions. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stop. Pushing yourself too fast and too soon can backfire. Modify your pace and go slower instead.
  4. Talk About Your Fear People by nature, unfortunately, are not quick to offer understanding and support. You need to tell them what's wrong before they can empathize. Talk to someone who you trust and ask for their support, especially in the initial phase of overcoming your fear. If you are too afraid to ride the elevator alone, you can ask them to go with you, and before you realize it, you are on your floor, and there was no indication of panic.
  5. Learn To Be Patient Be patient with yourself and your predicament. This is, after all, your fight against fear. It might take hundreds of elevator ride practices before the fear gets under control. Even then, there might be some hesitations and episodes of nervousness. These are acceptable and expected, so cut yourself some slack and congratulate yourself for every progress.

Seeking Professional Help

Along with self-help, you can always enlist a medical professional's aid to support you with your elevatophobia. Talking to someone who has experience with similar cases can be comforting, because you know that you are not alone, and this situation can get better. Talk to your doctor about the severity of your fears and the symptoms that you experience. Explain how you deal with it in an attempt to control it. An exam and a health history are made to ensure that there are no unrelated or underlying problems that your symptoms might mask. Usually, phobias like this are approached with a combination of psychotherapy and medication. Your doctor will talk about these options with you, and it's entirely up to you, with your doctor's recommendation, what you want to pursue. For psychotherapy, the most common type is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which aims to help you find different ways of behaving, thinking, and reacting when about to step inside an elevator or when already inside it. With medications, there are beta blockers and benzodiazepines, but note that these can have side effects. Whatever these side effects are, you should promptly share it with your doctor.

Simple Tips to Overcome Elevatophobia

Elevators are not perfect, but their likelihood to malfunction, fall, or get stuck is very low. If you are not fully confident with this information, you can help overcome your elevatophobia by learning common elevator safety tips and basic elevator operations. These should help curb your mild fear until you become more self-assured. In addition to that, here are some of the things that you can do to gradually overcome your fear of elevators—both in getting on and riding one.

Conclusion

Yes, elevatophobia can be a challenge in today's world, but don't allow the elevator to win. Don't let it stop you from taking a job on the top floor or attending a social gathering on the rooftop. Sure, you can take the stairs if you insist and arrive winded and sweaty, with the party about to wrap up. But is this the quality of life you seek? Elevators are designed to make life easier. There are guaranteed ways to help you overcome elevatophobia. Take the first step and seek help. Soon, you’ll see yourself breezing through the floors with those arduous stair climbs little more than a memory.
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